First, a photo disclaimer:
Pediatricians are recommending parents not put their babies on their stomachs to sleep at night. This picture was taken when I put Brycen down for a nap. I thought it would be good tummy time. So I promise I'm listening to his doctor!
Tyson and I have recently been told about a book called"On Becoming Baby Wise".
For those who don't know what that is, it's a sleep reference guide that helps regulate your baby's eating schedule allowing them to nap as well as sleep through the night. We've heard a lot of good things about this book and the miracle worker that it is. We've started giving it a try, but we're not sure if it will work for us. It talks about how a 3-month-old baby should be sleeping through the night (which Brycen is not doing by any means.) And if they're not, the best thing to do to get them out of the routine of waking up through the night is to let them cry until they fall back to sleep.
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We tried this tonight and it didn't work so well. Brycen cried for over an hour before we decided to take him out of his crib and give him a bottle. At this point I'm trying to decide what we should do - if we should keep going with this routine and give it a couple more days, or if it just isn't going to work for Brycen.
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It is so hard for me to let him cry!
Especially since I swear he calls for me when he starts that tired whimper he has.
His little "wahs" turn into what sounds an awful lot like "ma", "mama", and "mom." It melts my heart when I hear my sweet little baby call for me in his tired or sad state. I told Tyson tonight that I'm pretty sure he's already said his first words by doing this. :)
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The book also talks about getting the baby on a good eating routine. I feel like Brycen does pretty well with an eating routine. Until we reach the middle of the night, that is. During the day he stays pretty regular. I'm able to watch his cues plus keep him on a relatively good schedule. That is one thing about this book that is good advice that I know works for Brycen.
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So besides the fact that I hate hearing Brycen cry for me like he does and sound so sad, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I think partially where we've gone wrong is waiting to start him on a routine. The book suggests starting a routine when the baby is born. We didn't start till he was almost 3 months old. I received some good advice and opinions through Facebook about this book, both negative and positive. But I have a lot of friends who check my blog more than view my Facebook status. So I'd really like some more opinions about this! I want Brycen to learn to sleep through the night. For his sake and our sake.
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What have you done that works well? Has this book been helpful or are there other techniques out there that seem to work?
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22 comments:
Alli I am sorry. I hated this point of being tired and not knowing how to get the little guy to sleep longer, for my sanity! I started to write my painful story of letting the baby cry at night but I was taking to long to write... I will call you later!
I have mixed feelings about baby wise. I too read this book and was given it by a "matured" mother, I talked to my pediatrician about it and she said that babies could get brain damage if you let them cry for longer than 20 mins. Eventually your baby will sleep through the night...my thought is OBVIOUSLY crying for a reason. That is my 2 cents worth. Hope it helps.
This is just my opinion... I have the book but haven't gotten around to reading it. I read "Happy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child" instead and got a lot of good info out of that. Things I like about books like this are they talk about sleep and how it works and how important it is. What I don't like about Baby Wise is that it is strict on feeding and I think you should feed the baby often during the day. I always tried to cluster feed at night (not sure how that works with bottles, though) and it seemed to help them sleep longer. I personally think 3 months is a litt too young to cry it out, at least for that long. I let Dylan cry it out at 6 months. I would love to tell you my whole story about sleep issues with Dylan. Let's chat! I can let you borrow my other book if you're interested as well.
oh so fun....he is still young...and i remember being so stressed at three months because i had heard not to start a schedule until then and that you couldn't spoil them before that and then at three months it was like they should be on a schedule already...anyway...there is an in between method...where you let them cry just a little longer each night...to say ten minutes the first and then 15 and then go in and comfort/talk to them but don't pick them up...you are suppose to check if it is something else though, like dirty diapers or what not...anyway...we did that with cam a little but to be honest...i think he just knew when he was ready...and he started sleeping 8-9 hours around that time....so don't worry about it too much, do what you can...and he will let you know when he is ready.
We had a hard time getting our first to sleep through the night too. We just didn't know that at 3 months that was possible (oh, the things we wish we knew!) So we didn't start working on that until he was 3 months, just like you. I can totally empathize with you! It will be hard, but you can do it! I've never read "baby wise", but I really like "what to expect the first year" because it outlines a few different methods. She makes a big point of telling you that you are the only one that knows what is right for you and your baby- so do what you think is best... and here's some ideas to get you started. It was really nice to read a book that calls me an expert, instead of having someone tell me that they know my baby better than me and it's my fault if this doesn't work for us. Anyway, it sounds like you are doing a great job. This will be over and you will be worrying about the next thing before you know it.
I have read baby wise and think there are lots of good ideas in there, but I personally think that 3 months is too young to let them cry it out. I know that it is exhausting, but it will pass and before you know it they will be old enough to do it. I really like the routine of having them eat, then play for a while and then sleep. My kids always did better with that. I also think it is a good idea to put them in their bed sleepy, but not asleep. This teaches them how to put themselves to sleep.
I read it and LOVED it!!! BUT, I didn't follow it perfectly! Tessa was so good at putting herself to sleep for naps and bedtime which was BY FAR my favorite part about the eat, wake, sleep schedule of the book that my boys never had. We wasted so much time rocking or bouncing our boys to sleep and then trying to lay them down without waking them up. SOOOO many times being unsuccessful!
Here is what I think. Apply what you feel is right. If you don't feel right about letting your little guy cry it out at night, DON'T DO IT!!! You'll regret not listening to your feelings when he's a little older. I would suggest trying to not let him feed himself back to sleep because that's a hurdle you'll have to jump in the future, but that's really for you to decide.
Tessa woke up 2-4 times a night until she was a year old. She was my worst sleeper at night. Now she wakes up once around 5 am. Ya know what? With her being my last baby....I don't even care how little sleep I got that first year. I would do it all over again. Eventually they will sleep. Just try to make healthy habits with them.
good luck!!
Okay, I read baby wise, and I've seen my sister in law use it on all three kids. I personally am not a fan but it does make sense. I don't have the heart to let my little baby cry it out. Plus he just gets more worked up than if I just go calm him down. Biggest thing that really helped him sleep through the night is this. I put an extra feeding in right before bed (cluster feeding like your other friend suggested) I put a huge covering of butt paste on him before I put him down for the night and if he did wake up to eat I fed him with no lights on, no talking, no change unless he's poopy, and then after I burp him I wrap him up and lay him down. Either he would be tired enough he just closed his eyes and fell asleep or wou lay quietly in the dark until he did fall asleep. Basically it comes down to what you feel comfortable with, and this is what felt right for me.
Maybe try a sleep schedule before you do the cry-it-out method? With Lillie we stuck to a very strict schedule everynight. Around 8:30, we turned all the lights down low, put on soft music (primary songs), talked quietly, then gave her a short, but warm bath. After her bath, I would keep just a lamp on in her room, put her lotion on (which she loved), put her in her PJ's then feed her and lay her down. I started doing that when she was about 7 weeks old, and by about 9 weeks she knew it was bedtime when the lights were low and was sleeping 6-10 hours straight. I've never used that crying-it-out method, but sometimes just a schedule will help.
And if my babies ever do wake up in the middle of the night, I don't ever talk to them. I just pick them up, feed them (or just give Jack his binkie) then lay them back down. I also make sure I keep the lights off. That way they figure out when it's time to sleep and when it's time to stay up and play.
But really, Alli, do whatever will work for Brycen! Even Jack still wakes up atleast once or twice every night, but goes right back to sleep.
I read parts of the book, but I don't remember what it said. All I know is what worked for me. In the evenings I would start feeding my babies more frequently--like every hour to hour and a half. Then one last time before I went to bed. This would fill her up and she would sleep longer. It eventually-not immediately for Kate and Suzy, but for Kyra (who slept thru the night at 8 weeks) they would sleep from 10-6.
Every baby is different, and Brycen is darling. I, personally, would hold off on the crying-in out method until they were older, but that's a decision only you can make. Talk to your pediatrician. What do they say?
Hey Alli--I'm Kristi and Clark's SIL. I don't normally check out your blog, and I have never commented on someone's blog that I didn't know, but I saw your post's title on their ticker and had to check it out.
I too have a three month old baby. She is my second. With my first I read a book called Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi Mindell. I really liked here views because she advised that the key to teaching a baby to sleep all night is to teach them to fall asleep on their own. My baby, Penny, doesn't sleep through the night, but she has learned how to put herself to sleep at bedtime and after a feeding. For me, this is perfect. I get to cuddle her in the night, but I'm not up forever rocking or bouncing trying to get her back to sleep. For us, it's a win win. We got to this point with both kids by having me sit by their crib at night until they fell asleep. I was right there to pat their bellies or shush them if they started getting worked up. Each night the time got shorter and I moved myself further from them until I was out of the room. I eventually reached a point with my son where I felt he didn't need a nighttime feeding and let him just put himself back to sleep when he woke up in the middle of the night--and since he was used to putting himself to sleep, we never had to do the whole cry it out thing.
Alright, I have written a novel. Sorry. Don't think I'm weird. Kristi and Clark can vouch for me. :)
Mady was that way until almost six months i felt like i would always be tired! I couldn't listen to mady crying forever for the exact same reasons as you!! it was torture! i tried to get her to eat every three hours between that needed to be her play and nap time. then she kind of went longer at night by herself. My doctor told me that if they get used to having a bottle at night that you can try giving them water in their bottle instead and they won't like it so they won't want one at night. we ended up not having to try it. After she got into a routine we went on a trip and screwed it up. We finally got her to stop crying by making sure we held and fed her in her jammies then laid her down she would cry for a while but it got less and less everytime. they say it takes three nights for it to become a habit... just work through it, it will be the hardest thing you will do but once he gets it your life will be a million times better! :) loveya! call me if you ever need anything!
I never read that book, to tell you the truth, but we did do the "cry it out" method. one thing that kept me strong was knowing that the baby has a "timer," and will pay attention to when you come in and get them after so much crying. So, if you get him after one hour of crying, he'll cry at least that long the next time, just waiting for you to give in. It's so painful to hear them cry. Really, I"m not heartless. But, we did use that method, and after a few days, or a week or so, they finally get it. I just have to make sure that all needs are met before I can feel good about it. And I take comfort in knowing the Spirit will whisper to me when something is wrong, and that has happened before. Just have faith in that, and you should be able to stand it! Oh, and don't tell, but I always sleep my baby on their tummies. I don't care what the "experts" say. That's what I feel good about and I have "mommy intuition!" So, do what you feel is right for you little guy! (You asked for advice, and you got a mouthful! Sorry!)
My dr. told me to give my baby cereal in the bottle hahah i know most moms reading this will think I am a terrible mother BUT obviously my kid is fine after cereal she only woke up 1 time at night After dealing with that for a while I realized the ONLY reason she was waking was because she was on a Shedule everything was done at the same time everyday so she didn't NEEED the bottle she just thought it was time for it. The first day i let her cry for 15 minutes then i would go in hold her comfort her then lay her back down she eventually fell asleep the next night i went in every 20 minutes. Third night she finally understood she didn't need the bottle. Now she LOVES sleep and goes to bed at 7 at night gets up at 9 am haha I hope you find what works best for you.
We had a book called the baby whisperer. I loved it. I can't remember all the details but it worked beautifully. (They do not believe in the "cry it out method") I'm not such a fan either. And Averie sleeps through the night without it. You feed your baby ever 3 hours then let them play for like 45 minutes and then let them sleep for that long. (the times change as they get older) and then at night you cluster feed, so the last 2 are every 2 hours 6 then 8, then at like 10 you do a dream feed where you don't change their diaper and then just put them right back to bed. The cluster feed gets their tummy full for the night.
Alli- I have had your baby shower gift for months but have not had any boy wrapping paper to wrap it in (the down side of having all girls:-)). I wanted to get you something that absolutely saved my life as a mom ...it sounds like I need to bring it by tomorrow ...everyone has opinions and everyone's experiences are different but this might help you decide what is best for Brycen.
I have ZERO advice...obviously...but I just wanted you to know that I love you and that you're an amazing mommy. If Brycen ever keeps you up all night- call me and I'll come play with him while you get some catch up sleep. :) Love you sis!
This is what worked for me and Remy. Every baby is different so do what works for you. It is so hard to let them cry through the night. I thought that just made him more hysterical and harder to go back to sleep. The main thing that I had noticed is that Remy was waking up at night because he was in the habit, not because he was hungry. What I did was as soon as I heard him stirring around I would go in and give him his binky, than he didn't wake up to much and he would just fall back asleep because he was sucking on something. He started sleeping through the night at 2 1/2 months because I was doing that. It is much easier to do this when they are younger because they don't want to get up and play. You can do it!! Hope this helps
Hey! I didn't really like baby wise. I couldn't even finish reading it, I just didn't agree with it. What I did was: I took Wyatt out of my room at 2 weeks. I started trying to keep him awake a little bit longer during the days, before his naps. I would feed him right before he went to bed. I would bathe, (it soothes and makes him so sleepy) I sing, read books and say prayers. I had him sleeping through the night at 7 weeks. I still do that same routine! I know every baby is different but I hope that helps a little bit! He is adorable! I'm sure you are a great mommy! I know how it breaks your heart when they cry! Good Luck. But remember ultimately MOMMY KNOWS BEST! That was the best piece of advice I got. You are the mommy and you will figure out what is best for you and Brycen!
Alli, I'm Kelsie Sherrill (Cook), sister. I saw your "baby wise" caption from her blog.
I read "Baby Wise" about 3 times! So much good info, it's hard to remember everything the first time. We tried to implement the techniques mentioned and my little guy was sleeping 6-7 hours by 7 weeks! And it just got longer from there until now (at 16 months) he's sleeping 12 hours at night and has been for about a year now.
I didn't let him cry at night. It's too hard when you're tired and your husband has to work the next day etc. I mostly worked with him during the day! I loved the sleep, feed, wake routine and recognize how important it is to teach your baby how to put himself to sleep. That with the feeding schedule should help his hunger metabolism so that hopefully wont get hungry at night and will sleep! Pay attention to when he is waking at night...is it at the same time every night? This could mean he's waking out of habit. Also, be sure that he really is awake..a lot of the time babies will cry in their sleep (I'm sure you know these things, it's mentioned in the book!) I guess the reason I felt like commenting is because I feel like the tecniquies have really helped my baby develop really great sleep habits! As a result, he is so well mannered and happy when he is awake! and others recognize it and tell me all the time (which is awesome to hear as a parent). I've actually read the next "Baby Wise Two" book as well as "Becoming Toddler Wise" and again really love the tips given in the material!
You've had a lot of great advice on here and everyone is right when they say you get to decide, but I am here to tell you that it may be hard at times, but oh my goodness, it is sooo nice and WORTH IT when your baby knows when it's time to sleep and can do it all by himself and it's because you trained him to be that way! Good luck!
I read it too, and loved it, but didn't follow it completely. I do agree with keeping baby on a regular feeding schedule. If my babies start to fuss too early I try to entertain them a little longer (bounce them, carry them, hold them so it puts pressure on their bellies) to get it closer (within 15-20 min) and then feed them. With the crying thing.
I do let them cry it out, but I go check on them every 15ish minutes to make sure nothing is wrong, give them a pacifier, and try to soothe them and after so long it gets too hard, especially at night, I'd eventually give in if none of that worked and feed em. Every child is different, so it is SO hard to figure out what to do. But it is SOOOO nice when they finally figure it out! One thing though that I did love was when he does wake up at night don't turn on the lights. I think it helps them to figure out that it is night time?? Good luck!
I had a thought after I posted the first time :) Maybe I'm on the fence about baby wise. I read it about 2 years ago, so I could be a little off on how I remember it and how others execute it. But I do agree with the eat, wake, sleep cycle for sure!
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